How to Get Referrals From Past Clients Who Like You But Never Send Any (2026)

Your past clients loved working with you and have never sent you a single name. They didn't forget you. They don't know you want referrals and they don't know how to give one. The one time they thought of you was at a barbecue when they couldn't remember your last name. Referrals are a skill you teach your clients, not a reward that shows up for good service. Say one sentence at closing that makes referring a favor to their friend. Move the closing gift to day ninety. Call when their property tax appeal window opens. All three are free.

By D.J. Paris, president of sales and marketing at Kale Realty and host of the Keeping It Real Podcast. The fix is below. If you want to talk it through, there's a 10-minute option right after it.

The real problem: they don't know you want them and they don't know how

Most agents believe referrals are the payoff for doing a good job. Do great work, stay in touch, and the names arrive. So when the names don't arrive, the conclusion is that the work wasn't good enough, which isn't usually true and isn't fixable anyway.

Here's what actually happens. Your former client is at a barbecue. Somebody says they're thinking about moving next year. Your client says "oh, we used somebody, she was great." And then the conversation moves on. Your client can't remember your last name, doesn't have your number handy, and has no idea what to do next.

That's the failure: a logistics problem happening inside somebody else's social life, with no agent in the room.

There's a second layer under it, and it's the one that matters more. Referring you costs them something. If they hand a friend to you, they're vouching for you, and if you turn out to be pushy or slow, that's their embarrassment at the next barbecue. So the safe move is to say nothing specific, which is exactly what they do.

Once you see it that way, the fix stops being "stay top of mind" and becomes much more concrete. Tell them plainly that you want referrals. Tell them exactly what to do, in a way that takes them four seconds. And take the social risk off their back before they have to think about it. That's what the first move does in one sentence.

Worth separating two different situations, because they get mixed up constantly. This page is about teaching past clients to refer you over time. If you want a name out of somebody you're talking to right now, that's a different ask with different wording. It's the third move on the leads page. There you ask for the last person who complained about their place, instead of asking for a mover. Use both. Don't blend them.

Move 1: make it a favor to their friend, not to you

Say this once, at closing, when they're happy and everything is signed:

If a friend ever mentions they're thinking about moving, just text me their first name. You don't have to sell me or explain anything. I'll take it from there and they'll get treated like you did. The closing-table referral instruction

Once. Not three times, not in a follow-up email with a graphic on it. Say it, let it land, and move on to handing over the keys.

Take the sentence apart, because every clause is removing a specific objection.

"If a friend ever mentions they're thinking about moving." You've given them a trigger to listen for instead of a task to remember. People don't remember to refer you. They do notice a sentence when they hear it.

"Just text me their first name." This is the smallest possible action. No phone number to dig up, no introduction to compose, no permission to ask for. Four seconds on their phone while they're still standing there.

"You don't have to sell me or explain anything." That's the awkward part, named and removed. They were never going to deliver a testimonial about your negotiation skills. Now they don't have to.

"They'll get treated like you did." This is the social risk clause. You're promising their friend won't get hounded, which is what they're worried about when they hesitate.

And say it again later, at a natural moment, to people who closed years ago. You're allowed to teach this to past clients retroactively. "I realized I never told you how referrals work for me" is a completely reasonable thing to say on a call.

One honest note about money. Don't offer a past client cash or a gift card for sending a name until you've asked your managing broker. Compensation for referrals is regulated and the rules aren't the same everywhere. The version on this page needs no payment at all, which is part of why it works.

Move 2: move the closing gift to day 90

Most agents give a closing gift. It arrives on the day of closing, or it's sitting on the counter when they walk in, and it gets absorbed into the chaos of moving. By the time the boxes are unpacked, it's gone from memory along with the rest of that week.

Send it ninety days later instead, with a handwritten card:

Hope the house feels like home by now. Still here whenever you or anyone you know needs anything. The day-90 card

Day ninety is the right timing for one specific reason. That's when their friends start asking how it went. The move is done, the house is furnished, people are coming over, and the question at the door is "so how'd you like your agent?" You want to be a recent event when that gets asked, not a memory from a stressful month.

It also arrives with no competition. On closing day you're one of six things happening to them. Ninety days out, nothing else is showing up in the mail from anybody involved in that transaction.

Handwrite the card. Not a printed note, not a mail-merge. A handwritten card gets kept on a counter for a week and a printed one gets recycled with the circulars. The difference is about four minutes of your time.

"Or anyone you know" is the standing invitation, and it's soft enough to sit on a card without reading as marketing. It reinforces what you already taught them at closing.

Practically, this means keeping a list of closings with a date ninety days out next to each one. A calendar reminder is plenty. If your closings are stacked up, do them in batches on one afternoon a month.

Move 3: the assessment appeal call

This is the move that makes people talk about you, and most agents never make it.

Cook County reassesses on a cycle, and every township gets an appeal window. When your client's township opens, call them:

Your assessment appeal window just opened. Want me to pull the comps for it? Costs you nothing. The assessment appeal call

Their agent, who they haven't heard from in a year, is calling to help lower their property tax bill. Not to ask if they're selling. Not to send a market update. To do unpaid work that puts money back in their pocket.

Their lender isn't calling. Their insurance agent isn't calling. That's why this is the call they tell their friends about. A story their friends hear is worth more than any marketing you'd pay for.

Here's how to run it without getting out over your skis. Check the Assessor's published calendar to see when your client's township is open, since the windows are staggered and they close. Pull comparable sales, the same way you would for a listing conversation, and hand them over in writing. Then be clear about where your part ends. You're providing comparable sales data, not tax or legal advice. The appeal itself is theirs to file, or to hand to an attorney who does this work. Say that out loud on the call. It makes you sound more competent, not less.

If you're outside Cook County or outside Illinois, the structure transfers. Find your assessor's or appraisal district's appeal or protest calendar, learn the window, and make the same call. The reason it works has nothing to do with Illinois. It works because you're offering to reduce a bill instead of asking for business.

Check your office policy first, since some brokerages have a view on agents helping with tax matters.

Do this today

You have to teach it, and nobody taught you that

Here's what I'd want an agent to take off this page. A referral is a behavior you install, in one sentence, in a room where somebody's happy with you. Most of us were never told that, so we do great work and then wait.

Who this works for, and who should read something else

Frequently asked questions

Still stuck on this one? Book 10 minutes with D.J. I'll call you, and I won't bring up Kale unless you do.